Getting Old YouTube

These getting old YouTube pieces are about wrinkinsults, which is a humorous take on the aging process where body bits, including the brain, droop or fail to work without assistance. In this respect knotted hankerchiefs, spectacles, hearing aids, boob jobs and Viagara have something in common. 
Mary Maxwell Comedian is not just funny but wise ...and old and has created dozens of short videos which I couldn't fail to not recommend less. Here's a few of them but make a note to go watch them all. Wrinkinsults are intended to mock the old by the old and as an agony aunt for wrinklies her wise advice to the old is humorous in content and delivery and her side comments about youth are hilariously acerbic

Here's a bunch of Mary Maxwell's funny short videos. Here's the link to all of Laughing with Mary

Transcript of best part of above video

Over the years
I have noticed the two things that most people want to know about you, are things that they are far to
polite to ask. So lets get that out of the way. I’m 72 years old and I weigh a hundred and forty five pounds. As you know we seniors are sometimes not very likable, let alone lovable. So Lord could you please continue to keep the people at Home Instead patient and aware of why we are the way we are.

And Lord please remind them that the thing about old age is that you do not get a chance to practice. This is the first time I have ever been old, and it just sort of creeped up on me. There were signs, random hair growth, that’s special. Partially that first time you go to brush that hair off your lapel and discover it is attached to your chin. You turn your left turn signal on in the morning and leave it on all day. Non-life threatening skin growths large enough to name after diseased pets and related begin to appear. And neck tissue seems to develop a life of it’s own. Last November, I was afraid to leave the house Thanksgiving week. (pause) Aren’t you quick.

You do strange things as you age, like driving up to a curb side mailbox and ordering a cheeseburger and fries. And Lord, I know you are aware that one Sunday at church I put my Dillard’s bill in the collection basket by mistake. And last Easter, after services at St. Silica’s Cathedral here on Omaha, my husband stopped to talk to a friend and I went out and got into the car to go home. The gentlemen sitting behind the wheel said, “Oh are you going home with me?” And I said, “Oh Archbishop, I am so sorry.” 

I won’t even mention driving into the wrong end of the car wash. People get so excited when you do that. I don’t know why the lady in the other car was screaming like that. I was just as surprised to
see her as she was to see me. I also won’t mention discovering that you are wearing miss matched earrings, and going home to change them and ending up wearing the other mismatched pair. And you know Lord that it is hard for old people to exercise. I did try to jog once, but it makes the wine just jump right out of your glass. 

One of the best proofs that a long marriage was a good one is that the surviving partner is not afraid of another relationship. Now, to be honest, I’m hoping that my husband won’t actually bring a date to my wake, but I certainly don’t want him to spend the rest of his life sitting in his recliner watching fox news and thumbing through our wedding album. In fact, I’m thinking of making a list of some possible future companions for him. I will also point out the person who, if he takes her to dinner, will make it neces- sary for me to come back to haunt him. 


What is wonderful, for us, not necessarily for him, is that Billy Connolly, perhaps the most brilliant observational comedian of all time is getting on and has already started to comment on wrinklihood. Here he is on the Michael Parkinson show

And to pick up on one of Billy's observations

At your age, your nose hair accelerates
(And in ears and elsewhere)
Which makes you wonder what’s in store
For which you’ll need long nasal hair

If you’re going thin on top
Why not let your nose and ear hair grow
Then use it as a comb over
None of your pals will suspect or know

Always assuming, like you, their eye sight is going
But enough already
Happy 65th Birthday

Greg Davies, British comedian on the subject of growing old

This is an hilarious video showing the bumblings and stumblings of old folk, having fun

As is this one

Here's a bit of mischief to keep the young ins on their toes and prevent the old uns getting bored

People of Walmart

And now a song by Fascinating Aida

My husband came home Friday with a brand new motor car.
He told me I could drive, it I said Brian you're a star.

We drove down to the boozer for a vodka and a fag
Then of course we had celebrate the purchase with a s**g.
We go dogging, We go dogging,
We're a treat for any passers by, out jogging.

We do it 'cos we've found that when people crowd around
it is somehow more profound when we're dogging.

(Spoken) Oh now well some of the older members of the audience my have a little bit of difficulty with this one. I just say hang on in there and think the meaning will shine through. Bill how are you doing? Anyhow, if you are still a little bit in the dark at the end just ask a young person or emm...Google. Just don't take your computer for repair immediately afterwards.

Well we drove down to the far end of the car park back of Asda.
A threesome was hard at it in a sporty little Mazda.

It made it more exciting as they pressed against the glass.
And when Brian got his torch out you could see right up her a***!
They were dogging, They were dogging,
Believe me they were more than merely snogging.

But though her cheeks were parted she spoilt it when she farted
And we wanted to get started on our dogging.

(Spoken) Now how are the older members doing now. Not finding it too impenetrable? Those of a sensitive disposition, leave now...

Well we rushed back too our car 'cos we were randy as two goats.
But being late November we had on our duffle coats.

We should have stripped off first before getting back inside.
'cos disrobing in a smart car isn't easy have you tried?

We were dogging, We were dogging
In the struggle poor old Brian tore his frogging.
Our apparel was misguided 'cos when our heads collided
Brian's manhood then subsided, but thats dogging.

Well I admit this was a setback but i wasn't beaten yet
 'Cos i'm really very handy with my man's beef bayonet.

I quickly had his flagpole up responding to my touch.
And next thing I was upside down and staring at the clutch.

We were dogging, We were dogging,
Oh the heat was on to stop the windows fogging.

Thank God for plastic sheeting, well one must protect the seating.

'Cos the fabric takes a beating when your dogging.

Well by now a crowd had gathered it was cheering fit to burst.
An Bri was close to peaking though he likes me to come first.

My legs were out the sunroof as I really hit my stride.

Then Brian promptly stopped and cried "The Rozzers are outside!".

We were dogging, We were dogging,
We were so alarmed our arteries were clogging.

But we took it on chin when the coppers with a grin
"Can anyone join in with your dogging?

Well as you can imagine Bri and I were thrilled to bits.
I love to feel a coppers truncheon in between my t**s.
My ecstasy was mounting I was feeling so alive,

When who should wander by but a bloke from Channel 5.

He likes dogging, he likes dogging
He signed us for a series he was flogging.

So watch out for Bri and me and the odd Celebrity,

We were sha**ing on TV lively dogging.

Oh we'll be dogging We'll be dogging
Oh think of all the limelight we'll be hogging,

Well the credits show my hand massaging Brian's gland,

The Presenter's Russell Brand, lovely dogging!

"They should have asked my husband" by Pam Ayres is not specifically about growing old but it features the growing old trait of curmudgeonesss... the grumpy old man syndrome of knowing everything which he shares, whether it's wanted or not

You know this world is complicated, imperfect and oppressed 
And it's not hard to feel timid, apprehensive and depressed. 
It seems that all around us tides of questions ebb and flow 
And people want solutions but they don’t know where to go.

Opinions abound but who is wrong and who is right. 
People need a prophet, a diffuser of the light. 
Someone they can turn to as the crises rage and swirl. 
Someone with the remedy, the wisdom, and the pearl.

Well, they should have asked my ‘usband, he’d have told’em then and there. 
His thoughts on immigration, teenage mothers, Tony Blair, 
The future of the monarchy, house prices in the south 
The wait for hip replacements, BSE and foot and mouth.

Yes, they should have asked my husband he can sort out any mess 
He can rejuvenate the railways he can cure the NHS 
So any little niggle, anything you want to know 
Just run it past my husband, wind him up and let him go.

Congestion on the motorways, free holidays for thugs 
The damage to the ozone layer, refugees and drugs. 
These may defeat the brain of any politician bloke 
But present it to my husband and he’ll solve it at a stroke.

He'll clarify the situation; he will make it crystal clear 
You'll feel the glazing of your eyeballs, and the bending of your ear. 
Corruption at the top, he’s an authority on that 
And the Mafia, Gadafia and Yasser Arafat.

Upon these areas he brings his intellect to shine 
In a great compelling voice that’s twice as loud as yours or mine. 
I often wonder what it must be like to be so strong, 
Infallible, articulate, self-confident …… and wrong.

When it comes to tolerance – he hasn’t got a lot 
Joyriders should be guillotined and muggers should be shot. 
The sound of his own voice becomes like music to his ears 
And he hasn’t got an inkling that he’s boring us to tears.

My friends don’t call so often, they have busy lives I know 
But its not everyday you want to hear a windbag suck and blow. 
Encyclopaedias, on them we never have to call 
Why clutter up the bookshelf when my husband knows it all!

Growing Old by Matthew Arnold

Another Version of Growing Old by Matthew Arnold

Growing Old by Sue Burrill

Am I to live until I'm old?
Till every bone is gnarled with cold?
When every muscle is tight and bent
And all my laughter is long past spent?

Am I to live when all I've learnt will do no good?
When age and fear have left their path upon my face
Taking away the hours of the day that is my life
And left alone to wonder why

When I have lived through two World Wars
And mustered strength when strength was gone
To care for those who care not now
Should I be cast aside like a well worn shoe
I think you?

Growing Old by Sharpandpointless

There comes a time in every man's life, I fear
When he must drink more bottled water than beer
His hair loses body but his body grows hair
And good luck getting him out of his favourite chair

Attention from women get him quite perplexed
Because his bed's now for sleeping and rarely for sex
Yes, growing old is a huge pile of dung
But it sure beats the Hell out of dying too young

Happy Birthday Mark..A Tribute Video with Getting Old Jokes

Turning 40 by Mark Lowry


And from Raging a Reigning Granny

Kids of the Baby Boom by The Bellamy Brothers

Our daddies won the war then they came home to our moms.
They gave 'em so much love that us kids were born.
We all grew up on Mickey Mouse and hula hoops.
Then we all bought BMW's and new pick-up trucks.
And we watched John Kennedy die one afternoon.
Kids of the Baby Boom.

It was a time of new prosperity in the USA.
All us fortunate offspring never had to pay.
We had sympathy for the devil and the Rolling Stones.
Then we got a little older, we found Haggard and Jones.
A generation screaming for room.
Kids of the Baby Boom.

Kids of the Baby Boom,
We have freedom, we have money.
Baby Boom, here in the land of milk and honey.
Counting our chickens way too soon.
Kids of the Baby Boom.

Now we all can run computers and we all can dance.
We all have Calvin Klein written on our underpants.
And at 6 o'clock like robots we turn on the news.
And watch those Third World countries deal out more abuse.
Remember the first man on the moon.
Kids of the Baby Boom.

Kids of the Baby Boom, 
We have freedom, we have money.
Baby Boom, here in the land of milk and honey.
Counting our chickens way too soon.
Kids of the Baby Boom.

As our lives become a capsule we send to the stars,
Our children look at us like we came from Mars.
As the farms disappear and the sky turns black,
We're a nation full of takers, never giving back.
We never stop to think what we consume.
Kids of the Baby Boom.

Kids of the Baby Boom.
We have freedom, we have money.
Baby Boom, here in the land of milk and honey.
Counting our chickens way too soon.
Kids of the Baby Boom.

Our optimism mingles with the doom.
Kids of the Baby Boom.

Older Ladies

Well, I ain’t 16, not a beauty queen.
My eyes are baggin’ and my skin is saggin’
And if that’s the reason that you don’t love me,
Maybe that’s not love.

I ain’t 20 either and I don’t care neither.
My hair is gray and I like it that way.
And if that’s the reason that you don’t love me,
Maybe that’s not love.

If you don’t think I rock, well we ain’t gonna roll.
If you don’t think I hung the moon, my hot just turned to cold.
If you wanna younger model, I wish you well, sweet pea.
Cuz if you can’t see what it is you’ve got,
Then you ain’t getting me.

I got cellulite and achin’ feet
My thighs kinda jiggle when I giggle and wiggle
And if that’s the reason that you don’t love me,
Maybe that’s not love
My tummy ain’t tucked or liposucked.
It’s a little poochy, but I still Hoochy Koochy
And if that’s the reason that you don’t love me,
Maybe that’s not love

See, I’m no longer desperate. I’ll only have a man
if he has the smarts to see how HOT that I still am. 
If you want a younger model, I wish you well sweet pea.
If you can’t see what it is you have, you ain’t having me.

Older ladies, older ladies, older ladies… are DIVINE!!!

I gotta chicken neck and I love it, by heck
It makes a double chin whenever I grin 
And if that’s the reason that you don’t love me,
Maybe that’s not love
WellI got little breasts that droop from my chest,
purt near down all the way to my nest.
And if that’s the reason that you don’t love me,
Maybe that’s not love

Older ladies, older ladies, older ladies… are DIVINE!!!
Older ladies, older ladies, older ladies… are DIVINE!!!